Sunday, September 23, 2007

On being more self supportive

Thought for the day:

“You can't help someone get up a hill without getting
closer to the top yourself.”–H. Norman Schwarzkopf


If there was anyone who really needed to read a blog
on self support last week it was me!!!

Is this fact positive or negative?

This question is the starting point and the key.

We support ourselves when we realise that no matter who we
are, where we are, or how disastrous our lives are right
now, there’s always one thing that we alone control fully.
And by changing this one thing we change everything.

So, what is this one thing?

Our attitude.

Everything in life has a flip side.
The question is: which side do you focus on?

Do you look for the advantage or do you trip over the
disadvantage?

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Were your parents real scumbags or did you choose them
carefully to help you become who you are today?

How you interpret past and present experience is the main
trip switch that overrides your entire circuit board. Flip
this one switch and you change everything in your life
within the wink of an eye.

(There’s a beautiful Zen poem on this.
It says: a split hair’s difference and heaven and hell are
set apart.
And it’s so true.)

So, how do we flip this switch?

This is a technique called ‘reframing’.

And it’s the single most useful tool you can have in your
‘self support’ toolkit.

Here’s an example from my life: Once, a zillion years ago,
I was taking part in a triathlon (SA champs 1988?) Going
round a corner, I dropped my water bottle full of precious
energy supplement. I was way behind some other girls (far
better swimmers) and still had 30km of cycling and a 10 km
run ahead. When I dropped that bottle I could have said,
‘Oh no, I’m buggered!’ and then I would have been. But, by
some miracle, I didn’t. Instead I told myself, ‘Obviously I
don’t need that today. It’s just extra weight to carry.’
Then I put my head down and in the end won that race, much
to everyone’s surprise.

The point is: we can’t change things that have already
happened. But we can change our interpretation of events.
And reframe it so that it supports us rather than gets in
our way.

This is where fingerprint analysis is so powerful. It helps
you reframe your past, by understanding that you chose your
parents for a reason. And that everything that’s happened
(and is happening) is for your benefit.

The Chinese have always known about this. Their word for
‘crisis’ is made up of 2 other words/symbols. One meaning
‘opportunity’ and the other ‘chaos’. In every crisis, as in
every single moment in our life, we are faced with one
basic choice. Positive or negative? Heaven or hell?

How else can we be more self-supporting?

By managing our energy (keeping one’s vibration high)
By getting quiet enough to listen to inner guidance.
By acting on intuition immediately
By reframing the past.
By loving what is.
By taking full responsibility for everything that happens
in one’s life.
By developing bone deep honesty with ourselves
By examining the choices we make. Are they based on fear or
on faith?
By changing these choices if they do not serve us.
By developing healthy personal boundaries
By showing up for our selves
By keeping the promises we make to ourselves
By respecting our own time
By replacing habits that don’t serve us with ones that do.
By trying to change no more than one habit at a time.
By taking small consistent steps instead of big irregular
ones
By being a person of action instead of reaction
By not putting our life purpose on ice
By feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
By formulating clear, precise goals
By not quitting
By surrounding ourselves with supportive people
By actually asking for what we need or want
By finding a mentor and/or positive role model.
By getting someone to hold us accountable.
By joining a mastermind…..

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Friday, August 31, 2007

Are you feeling unsupported or betrayed?




I've been back 2 weeks now from my trip to SA and still
I find myself running.
From what?

Dangling X's!?

Yes, I know. I've left you dangling far too long about what
they actually mean.
In fact, I've left this issue dangling so long you could be
in danger of growing this marker on your hand as a result!
(And so could I!)

Let's see if we can start to rub these blighters out with
the help of this newsletter.

First a bit about my trip.

My fears about spending our 'summer holiday' in South
Africa's mid-winter were unfounded. The weather was
sublime, warmer than here! The bushveld was looking
magnificent with aloes all aflame, no mosquitoes and, we
wore Tshirts! It was great to catch up with family and
friends especially for Jules to get to know his grand
parents.

My courses and consultations went well too. There are now
14 people in SA who can decode fingerprints. If you are one
of these 14, congratulations! I hope you are practising on
family and friends. Thanks also to all who allowed me the
privilege of looking into their hands while I was over
there.

Back to dangling X's.
Dangling X's look just like they sound. Like little or big
X's dangling just below your heartline.

What do they indicate?

X's that hang like dirty laundry on a wash line are to do
with feeling unsupported.

By whom? In what way?

Well that depends on exactly where they show up.

Let's look at 2 common places:
1. If they dangle under your heartline below your Apollo
(ring) finger this means you feel unsupported by your
friends.

2. If they dangle under the 'point of intimacy', (that is,
the point on your heartline directly between your ring
finger and pinkie) this has to do with feeling unsupported
by your spouse or intimate partner. When this X is very
large it means the feeling is more extreme. Betrayal might
be a better word!

But this is just the first take.

It's easy to say, 'My husband betrayed me when he ran off
with another woman.' but if we look beyond the pain, behind
the veil, is that really true?

It takes a huge amount of personal honesty to recognise
ourselves in the mirror. The only person who can really
betray us is ourselves. We betray ourselves when we don't
honour our own truth. When we don't listen to our inner
guidance. When we give up on our dreams or don't support
ourselves in numerous small or big ways.

Usually it takes quite a bit of not supporting oneself
before one's partner is ready to collaborate and mirror for
you the shadow side of self betrayal. Ask me! (been there,
done that, bought the t-shirt.!)

If you are feeling unsupported by your intimate partner ask
yourself: in what way am I not supporting myself?

And, what about friends?

Let's examine this feeling of not being supported by
friends a bit deeper.

I find this one even more difficult to own up to.

Have you ever heard this wisecrack:
'I can keep a secret. It's the people I tell it to who
can't!' ?
Well, that's what these particular X's are mostly about at
a deeper level.

Sometimes takes years of therapy to see that the betrayal
we accuse others of is actually in our own hearts.

When this happened to me once it knocked the wind right out
of my sails.
I always thought of myself as loyal and honest but I broke
a friend's confidence by passing on delicate (okay let's
get real here. Make that juicy and highly damaging!!)
information to my husband about a third person (his new
lover!)

I thought as "the wounded one" I was justified in
'enlightening' him. But in the process I betrayed a dear
friend. It turned out she was the only person on the planet
who knew that particular snippet of information and I'd let
her down real bad by breaking her confidence and passing the
information on.

It's not a question of whether you can trust the next
person with the information.
The question is, can you keep a confidence? Can you refrain
from passing on gossip?

I once came across a list of quotes by famous people
compiled by a leading personal growth expert.(I forget
which one). About halfway down was this:
'If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say
anything.' by....... your mother!

I thought this was very funny because that is exactly what
my mom used to say.
Probably yours too!!

So how can we support ourselves?

By listening to inner guidance. By showing up for
ourselves. By setting limits. By staying congruent. By not
putting our life purpose in ice. By putting our own joy and
happiness first...

In my next blog we'll look at these and other ways we can support
ourselves in more detail.

In the meantime, if you need any support, just look at your
hands.
Your strengths and talents are all there.

Warmly,
Jena

PS: If you haven't had a hand analysis consultation yet,
please go to
www.handanalysisonline.com/consulation.php
There's no better way to show yourself some genuine
support.

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